|  Author | Topic: Under attack (Read 150 times) |
bttrflyrose
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|  | Under attack
« Thread Started on Mar 2, 2008, 3:02pm » | ![[Quote]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/buttons/quote.gif) |
I've been under attack for months now. My fiance and I called off our wedding the day before the wedding almost two months ago and we broke up a few weeks ago. Our relationship we always considered a gift from God and planned a ministry in Utah together. The lies of the enemy are destroying all we share. Levi believes he is too screwed up for any relationship and has decided to never date again. I am usually an optimistic person full of joy yet I've been battling depression and every night I think about killing myself. I keep praying for some relief from all of this. He believes that breaking up was a good thing even though we had such an amazing relationship and he still loves me. Now he is trying to figure out where God wants him and I'm trying to do the same. We'd already combined our finances months ago and I'm still living in an apartment by myself that we would have barely been able to afford together once we were married. He is still giving me all of his paychecks for the bills but I won't be able to afford them on my own. I've prayed for eight years about the man I was going to marry and I was so blessed in how God brought us together and was so faithful in most every aspect of our relationship since day one. I just don't know what to do now. Jesus is my first love and always has been. But I feel so lost and empty sometimes. Last night my ex found out that his mother was put into the hospital for almost over dosing on methadone. She was released but is missing with her live in girlfriend's car again. It breaks my heart because I know that its hurting him so much. Please pray for his mother. Please pray for him and I!
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chaplain
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|  | Re: Under attack
« Reply #1 on Mar 4, 2008, 12:37am » | |
I really cannot ascertain "what" may have gone wrong in your relationship "Rose", but my first impression is that your ex-fiance has some "growing up" to do. I believe that I can say this with biblical authority though; if this man was (or is) the one that God has in mind for you, then God will work it out accordingly! It does sound as though you BOTH got a little "ahead of yourselves" with the apartment and also the shared finances. You also mentioned praying about the man that you would marry for eight years, but I have to ask a CRITICAL question here. Were you praying for "God's" will to be done in this area; or YOURS?? Please understand that I'm not trying to be "mean-spirited" in any way; I'm just trying to sort this out in my own mind while possibly helping you to do the same! I went through a very bitter divorce 26 years ago, so I do understand the pain that you are feeling right now! Both of you are certainly in my prayers and if possible, I really would like to hear more about your relationship to Christ, as well as your ex-fiance's?
Right now, I can only offer this advice to you; and I hope it helps because as christians, we are almost "guaranteed" to go through some very trying times in our life.....like YOU are right now! I ask you to imagine Jesus Himself walking just a few steps ahead of you and as He "leads" you; imagine Him turning back to ask you: "Will you trust Me .....through EVEN THIS??". The "answer" that you give Him (and also "yourself") will determine just HOW DEEP your relationship to Him really IS! Depression and even suicidal thoughts are very normal under such an extreme loss. These thoughts will enter your mind almost regularly at first; just make sure that you avoid "entertaining" such thoughts. They CAN have a "long-term" effect on your personality!
I can only say this from personal experience, "Rose"; God has allowed ALL of this to happen for a REASON! In the fullness of HIS time, He will reveal it to you and like the prophet "Job"; when it is over (and it WILL BE someday).......you will be MUCH better off for having endured it!! My biggest prayer for you at this time......is that your faith FAILS NOT!! Feel free to contact me if I can be of any further help to you; ok??
God bless!
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bttrflyrose
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| | Re: Under attack
« Reply #2 on Mar 5, 2008, 3:12am » | |
My fiance has a testimony that would break your heart and he is dealing with those old wounds. As we got closer and closer to the wedding he started viewing our relationship through old filters, fear, insecurity, and lies and has let that dictate his reactions. It isn't our relationship that is the problem, he tells me, it is relationships in general. As for the praying for eight years about who I would marry, I prayed for qualities I admired but I thought for years that I was praying for a different man who I'd known before I became a Christian. I wanted someone who's faith was everything to them. I wanted a man who was strong enough to not rely on my strength and joy as a cure all pill for his life. I wanted a man who challenged me so that I would continue to grow and stretch in my faith. I wanted a man who would treat me like I was the most precious gem to him. When my ex-fiance came along, I would have never thought twice, except that the first time we met he asked to pray with me. It was his amazingly bold passion for the Lord that attracted me to him from the start. He was unlike anyone I'd ever dated before but it fit together so well when who I had been certain I had wanted never really had. Jesus is my first love and my everything. The joy that I have is from Him and not any circumstance. A relationship that was built only on Him is the only thing I would have promised the rest of my life to. Which is why I was so awed in this relationship! God was so faithful and present from day one. We mentioned more than once about how blessed we were in what we had. We are honestly very good for each other and work very well together as a team. Our plans were to work in ministry opportunities in Utah. As for the combining of our finances, we were advised to by our premarital counselor. Our key phrase was that "we were in this together no matter what" and had started putting everything together.
I don't know what his lessons are through all of this. He admittedly tends to be hard headed and learns lessons the hard way. I know that God is at work in a big way whatever the outcome. My lessons are faith and trust. I have trusted Him through difficult times before. The truth is that I love Jesus more than any plan I have made, any man (no matter how much I love this one), and any circumstance. Most of the time I am praising Him but when those thoughts that are not my own start to plague me, I try to read His Word and pray through it. It tends to come in waves. I know that I need to "be still" right now. I keep saying "I don't understand Lord, but I know that You are in control and You are faithful." I do keep asking for prayer because I feel the prayers at work every day in my life!
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chaplain
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| | Re: Under attack
« Reply #3 on Mar 5, 2008, 11:30pm » | |
It appears that you have things under control; at least as well as they CAN be, under the present circumstances. I'm a christian minister and also a chaplain for the county sheriff's office here in NY. You are welcome to PM me if you feel the need to "talk" to someone; especially when you are dealing with "troubling thoughts"! I also use a wide variety of messenger services, so having a "live" conversation is possible; if you'd like. My prayers are with you and if you need a friend to talk to; I'm willing to do that also!
God Bless!
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